When do we begin to fear?

As a child, I had very little fear. At least that’s what my aunt told me.

Now, I am supposed to be older, wiser, and more experienced in life yet, I have more fear than ever before, and not just a general fear of things but fear for the things that the Child-me would have never thought twice about.

Such as doing a cartwheel (I tried, couldn’t), swinging on a rope or speed down a steep hill on a bicycle.

In the past month I’ve had two crashes on my bike and hurt my hand bad enough that I couldn’t grip anything for at least two weeks after the first crash. Then the second crash crushed my confidence to ground zero.

I didn’t get back on a bike and when I finally did last Friday, I felt shaky, I felt weak. It felt like I was getting on a bike for the first time, and I thought I’ve lost it.

But I couldn’t just stop. We had planned a weekend cycling down at South Downs Way.

South Downs Way is a popular walking and cycling route that stretches 106 miles (170.5 km) from Winchester to Eastbourne, through beautiful countrysides patch-worked by farms and forest trails, up and down rocky paths and along rivers and streams.

It wasn’t a ride I was going to miss out just because I’ve lost confidence!

Our ride began on Saturday morning as we rolled out of our comfortable Premier Inn beds at Winchester. The air was crisp and chilled and the city (which was Britain’s first capital as I learned) not yet awake with weekend crowds.

“Where you guys heading to?” As the terrain changed from tarmac to gravel to grass fields to rocky roads laced with tree roots, we were greeted by fellow cyclists also taking the opportunity of a sunny late September weekend to enjoy the great outdoors.

“Chichester,” we replied, “hoping to make it by sun down!”

“Oooo,” they replied, “that’s a fair way! Good luck!”

Were we over ambitious? I did not think so then, for the cycle paths had been ok this far into the ride and I was still relatively comfortable.

It’s a beautiful ride, the South Downs Way, and being off-road means we got to go through some fantastic natural scenery. Up on the many hills were vantage points that looks out towards the sea and the weather could not have been better as we could see Southampton to our right, Portsmouth in front of us and as far as the Isle of Wight in the distance.

For most part, I felt comfortable. I was on my bike and I was happy.

But that’s the issue with fear. You never know when a panic attack might strike because of it, and it soon began to happen. All it took were a couple of almost-dangers, a small slip, a close shave.

Most people think it’s the hill climbs that hinder, yet, few register the danger of a steep descend on a bike, especially one that involves rocks and slippery moss. When you go down too fast, you can easily lose control and the possibility of another crash stuck in my mind, which caused me to immediately stop even before I began.

At one stage of the journey, I stood by my bike, hands shaking looking at the hill ahead of me. I couldn’t even mount my bike let alone ride it. Fear took over and I panicked.

So I walked.

And I walked every steep descend after that.

I know I’ll never learn if I don’t practice. I should have pushed myself. I should have at least tried. But fear is illogical. It used my recent crashes and the throbbing of my still-injured hand to remind me of the consequences of my in-competencies. It shouts in my mind: YOU CAN’T DO IT!

I had wanted to conquer this fear but I couldn’t on the South Downs. I am however, happy to report that we did make it to Chichester by sun down, but only after I gave in and said yes to a suggested short cut. Navigating our way past the official ‘Welcome to Chichester’ sign to eventually arrive at the blue and red beacon that is Travelodge Winchester, with time spare to explore the place a little.

Over dinner, we discuss our journey and progress, and a chance for me to continue to apologise for holding us up.

“Want to do it again? Go the whole way next time?”

“Yes. Let’s.”

Only next time, I will not give in to fear.

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DO THE SOUTH DOWN WAY

Cicerone has excellent guides for Walking the South Downs Way and Mountain Biking on the South Downs.

Local tourist information offices in Winchester, Chichester, Arundel and Eastbourne will also have guides and maps for sale.

KEEP GOING TO WEST WITTERING

The next day, we continued on from Chichester to West Wittering Beach. It is marked as the ‘Saltern’s Way’ but to be honest, it wasn’t that scenic. However, West Wittering Beach is said to be one of the best beaches in England! It’s worth a ride (only around 10 miles – 15 km – each way). The fish and chips at the West Wittering Beach Cafe is good.

A NOTE ON CYCLING ACCOMMODATION

Not everywhere is bike friendly. If you are planning to do any of the long distance cycle ways such as the South Downs Way (ok, some people probably do it all in one day but hey, I am talking general public here) – check with the accommodation providers whether they have secure bike storage or, allow you to bring your bikes into your rooms.

Both Premier Inn and Travelodge allow cyclists to bring bikes into rooms as long as they are not covered in mud (brush it down outside the hotel before entering helps). However, note that you may have to carry your bike up some stairs as some lifts may be too small to fit them in.