1. The bike will stay in the bedroom

And why shouldn’t it? I mean, if I leave it in the bike shed, someone could easily steal it. In the bedroom, right there at the foot of our bed, the bike is watched all the time. So I can keep an eye on it okay?

2. What do you mean it’s date night?

Oh, you mean, it’s date night tonight? But I promised I’d be on this ride with the club. It’s an once a quarter event and if I miss it I’ll have to wait three months… and we are going to tackle Box Hill! Where is Box Hill? Like, the most scenic climb ever?

How about tomorrow? We’ll have date night tomorrow?

3. I’ll meet you there, in lycra

Where am I meeting you? Is that within 15 miles? Great. I’ll ride there. Of course I’ll be in my tights, what else would I wear for a ride? All the other cool cyclists wear it.

Lycra is not cool? How dare you.

Fine. Okay. I’ll bring a change of clothes. Maybe.

4. How I’ll spend my weekend

Nah, you go ahead and meet our friends at the festival. I am going to give Minty (yes I named it) a wipe down. My gears need cleaning. I’ll also need to oil the chains. And then maybe give her a hug. I’ve neglected it since my last ride (yesterday).

5. Oh yay! Surprise romantic getaway!

Wait, what do you mean I can’t bring the bike? We are flying to the Maldives? Are there cycle hires? No?

I hate the place already.

6. Of course I need another bike

No bike is made equal.

My current one is for the road. I need one for off road. And then I need one that isn’t so flash so I can just ride to the shops and not worry about it being stolen.

Oh, and there’s that really nice one with the sexy paint work. I must have that one.

Why? Because it’s so much better than my current one? Can’t you get on the programme already?

Oh, yes, definitely the yellow bike too. It matches my outfit!

7. Don’t make me choose

What? We are out of space? Well, can’t you move the bookshelf to the other side of the room? No? Oh, because my other bike is there. Okay.

How about we live without books? No?

It’s either this bike goes or that bike goes? You want me to sell? I know I haven’t ridden that one for at least a year, but we’ve had so much memories this bike has sentimental value! Still? I have to choose?

How dare you. I am breaking up with you.

Of course, there are plenty of reasons why you shouldn’t worry about dating a cyclist:

You want to spend the entire weekend away with your own friends? Sure. I am going riding anyway.

Enjoy!