When I realised today that it has been two whole months since my last post, I knew I was in trouble.

It feels like I am hiking on a misty path without a compass, just feeling my way forwards unable to see the immediate future ahead.

I had really hoped this year would be a better year, a time to start again, try new things and be able to put more focus on me.

I had wanted to grow my writing, to expand on my horizons, to spend time nurturing what should be more important in my life.

While this year had been great in many ways, but the year has also come with challenges creating stress in certain situations.

Old demons are returning to the dark corners of my mind. They torment my thoughts, exhaust my emotions and lead me to my nightmares.

It is making me question every thing I have ever done, every decision I’ve made and most of all, why am I still miserable? What am I doing wrong?

Haven’t been able to think let alone write.

It wasn’t until this month’s Italia! magazine finally published my mountain biking story on Monte Amiata in Tuscany did it perk me up a bit.

I need to start getting my career back on track.

I am not usually the doom and gloom type of person. Complaining is not my thing. If something happens, I just take it and fight through it. However, there has been so much uncertainty both personally and professionally in the past few months, so much to have to consider and deal with that I feel somewhat emotionally stirred.

I can’t even blame lack of time. I’ve always worked 2+ jobs and never had I lacked the time to write. Yes, I have had the opportunities and yes I have been travelling like mad. But without that inspiration, without the creative energy… I have been so uninspired that even commissioned works have taken me longer and more effort to complete.

Mentally, emotionally, I am tired. From work to my personal relationships, stress has come from all directions. There is so much on my mind that I cannot tell.

Physically I continue to be active. Like back in my 20s, I put a lot of effort into work and physical activities (travelling is one of them) to distract me from everything life is currently throwing at me.

Cycling, running, yoga. I’ve even, against my own preference, joined a gym to distract me for the couple of months ahead.

In the past few months, I’ve completed various challenges I set myself to do – a five day cycle through the British Isles, cycling the Tuscan hills and the amazing hills of the Bregenzerwald, completed Prudential London Surrey 100 and even found myself unexpectedly (but with no regrets) grinding up Mt Teide on Tenerife, ex-Team Sky’s training ground.

When it comes to running, I may not be the fastest runner. I can’t run more than 10km at a time. But running has given me time to think, space to explore and most of all, healthy competition among peers that keeps me motivated.

I am getting stronger at both running and cycling. All thanks to the people who believe in me, and reminding me that “I can do more than I think”.

I am trying to apply that same thought in other aspects of my wellbeing. I am about to tackle my next challenge, the London Duathlon this coming Sunday then, it’s time to start getting back on the writing train!

Thanks for listening. I promise to start getting some destination related post out soon.