This post took a while to write. You know the days when you wished you weren’t so bored at work? Well yeah… no longer.

Anyway. So the last – last Sunday (17 June) I rode from London to Brighton for the British Heart Foundation. It was my second goal after having ridden for the same charity from London to Reading back in March. I keep setting myself these little goals – eventually to build up to (maybe in a year or two) riding the entire length of the Rhine River.

Little steps at a time. See, my problem has always been that I have always wanted to run before I could crawl….

Anyway, so on the London to Brighton, It was completely incident free! Hooray! For those who supported me, you have helped me raise $400 in donations to the Heart Foundation.

Thank you!

So, I thought my cycling journey was finally on the uphill. It was going so well. I clip on, I clip off, and I clip on again. For 5 riding sessions I’ve not had another incident, my confidence was building and I was becoming a bit more daring with the traffic.

Ha! I thought. I am finally enroute to Tour de France.

Then came last Sunday, when I had to re-set my incident free counter. Other than the pain caused on my leg, my confidence took a big hit.

Physically I am ok. Obviously. A few more scratches and bruises are not going kill me… Yes ok, this time, I have actually done some small structural damage. It really, really hurts.

“You seem blase about the actual physical damage and seem to suffer more emotionally” observed a friend recently, after having told me off for falling off again.

Then again, those who do know me for a long time also knows this is the sort of physical pain I am used to, having grown up being an active child, and that I’ve always used physical activity as a way to deal with emotional stress. Cycling has become my therapy.

But every time I fall, every time I turn up to the office and become another week’s joke, I become less certain of my abilities and my confidence gets dented a little bit more.

I was starting to think that perhaps cycling is not for me.

Self-doubt is the curse of my progress.

For the past few weeks, in preparation for London to Brighton, I have been training pretty hard, and have found myself a couple of training ‘partners’ (more like training bullies at the moment!) to chase around with. We’ll go to Richmond Park and they’ll watch me get lapped.

Like seriously. I see the same jerseys pass me once every 30-40 minutes. I just don’t have the power nor stamina to catch up.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit,” one of my training partner said as he drew up beside me once. “That lap was pretty fast.”

He forgets that he easily overtakes me on a hill climb – and can always go faster on a straight stretch too, even on his mountain bike. I remind him, it’s the bike that’s fast, not me.

“I can see you are getting stronger though,” says my training partner number 2. Says she who rides at least 30 miles EVERYDAY. If she says so, I trust her.

Every ride counts. That’s why I keep getting back on that bike.

Everyone needs cheerleaders. Sometimes we forget even small words of encouragement can make a person’s day.

I know I keep falling. I know I need to work on my balance/stamina/strength. I know I really need to get myself some bubble wrap. But to those who have been pushing me, to those who have sent me words of encouragement, to those who have cheered on my small little efforts…

I thank you.