I wasn’t going to write an end of year post this year. I was just going to let it all go, to allow the new year creep up silently. Pretend it’s just another normal day.

Yet, personally, 2018 had been too big to ignore. Earlier this year I made a decision that I should have made long ago, and since then, the consequence of that decision defined my entire year.

It was both the best and the worst decision of my life, but as time nears the next age milestone, a necessary one. At the same time, I’ve had to look backwards to my past, my upbringing and the darkest times in my life to realise I no longer wish to be stringed to a life of other people’s opinions.

The problem with a life changing event is that everyone thinks they know what’s best for you, yet not realising they are not you, not in the same stage of life, don’t have the same priorities and points of view.

“This is what you should do..” they’ll say. Most of the advice is to wait.

For what? The reason I am in this mess is because I waited far too long. No more. If I want something, I am just going to do it. No more waiting. Too much time has been wasted by waiting.

What I’ve also learned is that there are people, no matter how much you try, will disappear from your life. Those who said they’d love to keep in touch, those who you thought you had a bond with, but never ever initiate contact nor accept any of the invitations you send them.

I’ve given up trying. It’s just not worth the effort any more.

I don’t intend for this blog post to be all doom and gloom. In fact, what 2018 had given me is a new path to a new life. I’ve picked up new opportunities, new friends who mean what they say, and new ways to release my excess energy (a cycling obsession, as regular readers would have known by now!). I am enjoying life that is mine, albeit too much alcohol, but I am now my sole priority and that is a good feeling.

Also, I learned that I can overcome the darkness that threatened to devour me again, as it once did in my early/mid twenties. Of the things I’ve learned about myself this year, I now know that I am mentally and physically capable to stand up to my demons.

And for that, I am grateful for this turbulent year. The only way is forward now.

Farewell 2018.